Always
by Yoko-chan
Summary: *rated for slash* Spot's thoughts on the one thing he can't let go--the thing that hurts him most. /And again, again, I let myself think that it’s true, that this will be the day he’s going to say the words I need to hear–


**Notes: **First off, I'd like to say I have NO idea where I got the inspiration to write this fic. But I've felt the need to write a Jack/Spot since FOREVER, so I'm going to ignore the fact that I of all people wrote a songfic (shudder!) and just pray that people think it's good.

**Legal-ese: **Operator!Race: *click* Yoko-chan does not own the newsies or anything associated with them. If she did, Spot would be chained up in her bedroom. She also does not own "Always"; it's the property of Saliva. She is not getting paid for this. *beeeeep!*__

**Warnings: **Slash (duh), Angsty!Spot, general dislike toward Sarah that really can't be classified as bashing.

Reviewers will be rewarded with pictures of Nekkie!Blink. That means you, Sita. *grins*

**Always:**

_I hear a voice say, "Don't be so blind."  
It's telling me all these things that you would probably hide.  
  
_"I'm tellin' ya, Spot, dis ain't gonna work out. Ya just gonna get yaself hurt." Racetrack looked so worried when he said that, and for one fleeting second, I realized he was right. Jack and me, we're simply not meant to happen. I knew it the moment he wove his way through the crowd at the end of the strike and pulled Sarah against him, the minute their lips met and clung. I'm a fool.  
  
"I know dat, Race," I sighed. "I know." _  
  
Am I your one and only desire?  
Am I the reason you breathe, or am I the reason you cry?  
  
_His mouth is firm against mine, his hands clutching at my body like he never wants to let go. And again, again, I let myself think that it's true, that _this_ will be the day he's going to say the words I need to hear– "I loves ya, Spot."  
  
Then I see him with _her_, and my brain remembers that to him, I'm just a means to a quick release. And yes, I mean that both figuratively and literally.  
  
_Always, always, always, always, always, always  
I just can't live without you  
  
_Why can't I leave? Why do I let my feelings for you make me the lowest dog there is, one that comes crawling back to its master when it finally realizes it can't be alone? Why can't I just walk away from here, back to Brooklyn, the life I left behind for you?  
  
Really...why can't I?  
  
I can.  
  
_I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you  
I just can't take any more, this life of solitudeI guess that I'm out the door, and now I'm done with you  
  
_I make it to the bridge before I finally have to stop, pulling off my cap for one second to wipe off my sweaty face. My chest clenches for a moment, and for the first time of the long walk here, I look back.  
  
God, why did I look back?  
  
_I feel like you don't want me around  
I guess I'll pack all my things, I guess I'll see you around  
It's all been bottled up until now  
As I walk out your door, all I can hear is the sound   
  
_"Ya knows I loves ya, Jack?"  
  
"I knows ya do, Spot."  
  
And right then, I can be happy. I settle my head on the curve of his shoulder and close my eyes, feeling him wrap his arms around my waist to keep me there. And faintly, very faintly, I hear him speak.  
  
"I wish I could keep ya, Spot... but it ain't fair to any of us. I'm sorry."  
  
My brain really didn't process the other part of what you said. All I know is that you want me. _You_ want _me._ Not her, not that girl who didn't do a thing to deserve you when I've watched your back through everything. You were my best friend once, you know that? I could count on you once.  
  
I'm not so sure now.  
  
_Always, always, always, always, always, always  
I just can't live without you   
  
_Reluctantly, screaming at myself the whole time, I turn around and head back in the other direction. Back to you, like always.  
  
Because I just can't walk away.  
  
Because as much as I hate to say it...  
  
I belong to you_.  
  
I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you  
I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you  
I just can't take any more, this life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door, and now I'm done with you   
  
_"Enough of dis." I break free, move across the room so the closeness of your body doesn't muddle my brain even more than it has. "I can' take no more, Jackie-boy. I ain't no puppet."  
  
"I know dat, Spot."  
  
"Den why can't ya make up ya mind?! It's either me or da goil, and we both knows who ya'd choose." I grab my walking stick, ready to turn around and storm out of the room once and for all.  
  
_I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you  
I left my head around your heart  
Why would you tear my world apart?   
_"I can' because I _cares _about ya, Spot."  
  
You look so damn _sincere_...  
  
I hate you, Jack Kelly. I hate you almost as much as I love you.  
  
_Always, always, always, always  
I see the blood all over your hands  
Does it make you feel more like a man?  
Was it all just a part of your plan?   
  
_Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince a horde of newsies– newsies pissed at the price changes Pulitzer tried to get away with at that– that you have to strike against the most powerful man in the world because we have rights, too?  
  
Don't act like you do. Those boys worship you. If you told them to get a stuffed penguin in every room of the lodging house, they'd ask you how big you wanted it to be. (A.N. I got that from a lovely, lovely Gundam Wing fic called "Reunion". You can find that here: 4dw.net/deathndragon)  
  
I didn't have it that easy. But I did it, for you.   
  
_The pistol's shaking in my hands,  
And all I hear is the sound   
  
_The door shuts behind me with a finite 'click' that makes me flinch. (A.N.: There is no way in hell I can possibly make Spot think about suicide. It doesn't really fit, but bear with me. ^^;)  
  
_I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you  
I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you  
I just can't take any more, this life of solitude  
I guess that I'm out the door, and now I'm done with you   
  
_My resolve only gets stronger as I see you walking away, your arm around Sarah's waist as you chat jokingly with the Walkin' Mouth.Just for a second, I want you to turn around, to see me walk down those stairs and out of your life for good, like I should have so long ago.  
  
_I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you  
I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you  
just can't take any more, this life of solitude  
I pick myself off the floor, and now I'm done with you   
  
_See ya, Jackie-boy.  
  
_Always, always, always_

_Fin_

So...how was I? *rubs hands together nervously* Make my day. Review and tell me. *points at review box and waves pictures of Nekkie!Blink*

Blink: ...I hate you so much.


End file.
